Kale Rowan Teachout

It's been a while since my last blog entry - too long, I suppose.  So much has happened in the past weeks and months that I don't even know where to begin!

Tonight, though, I'm sitting at my computer feeling very compelled to tell a story - the story of the sweet baby boy my husband and I lost on April 21, 2013.  I will insert a disclaimer here that I have included photos in this post that some may find offensive.  If that's you - please accept my heartfelt apologies.  However, my intentions are simple.  If you or someone you know is pro-choice - encourage them to read this post and to consider the truth.

After two and a half years of trying for a second child, my husband and I finally conceived.  We were thrilled beyond belief and didn't even know until I was already 6 weeks along.  Sadly, at 11 weeks 5 days, our sweet son's heart stopped beating and he slipped away into the arms of Jesus.  So many think that a child at this stage of development is nothing more than a blob of goo or unidentifiable tissue - this post is to not just tell you, but SHOW you that is wrong and a complete and total lie... 

We found out we were pregnant on March 6, 2013.  I took a pregnancy test from Walmart and then went to the hospital in Pella for a blood test that confirmed it.  According to the blood work, I was 6-7 weeks along!

On March 8, 2013 we had our first ultrasound.  My mom was able to go with me and we were able to see “Baby Bean" and watch the tiny flutter of his heart beating - heart rate was 145.

On April 5, 2013, I had my second ultrasound.  My mom, dad, and daughter, Madeline, were there.  Baby Bean had grown SO much and we could easily see a head, arms, legs, and hands.  Bean was moving and kicking, although I could not yet feel his tiny movements, and we got to hear the strong steady sound of a heart beat - heart rate was 195.

On April 8, 2013, I had my first prenatal appointment with my doctor, Dr. Anne Hellbusch.  She told me that Baby's heart rate at the ultrasound was high, but that she had consulted with a specialist who said there was nothing to do at this point, but just monitor things closely.  Dr. Hellbusch was able to find the heartbeat again using a Doppler machine and Bean’s heart rate was still high – somewhere in the 190’s.

Up to my April 8^th appointment, I had been having some very minor bleeding/spotting.  Dr. Hellbusch said it was nothing to worry about and to be sure to drink plenty of fluids.  Following my April 8^th appointment, however, the bleeding was somewhat worst and culminated in a visit to the  ER on Sunday morning, April 14 as I had increased bleeding and a small (dime size) clot.

Neither the ER doctor or nurse could find Baby Bean’s heart beat.  They did some blood work which showed my pregnancy hormone was "a little low," which I later found out was actually in the 17000’s – it should have been 50,000+.  After 2 hours, the doctor sent me home saying that time would give us our best answer as to what was going on.

On Monday morning, April 15, I called Dr. Hellbusch’s office to report my ER visit the day before.  They set up an appointment for me to come in and have Dr. Hellbusch try to find the heart beat.  My appointment was at 10:00a.m. and Madeline was with me.  Dr. Hellbusch was unable to find the baby’s heart beat and said things looked bleak.  She sent us down to ultrasound and, sadly, it was confirmed that Baby Bean did not have a heart beat.  Dr. Hellbusch said that Baby had likely passed at some point over the weekend.  Brian and I are guessing Saturday, April 13^th as I was particularly tired and worm out that day and slept most of the day away.

Dr. Hellbusch sent us home with some materials about the Empty Cradle program through Hospice, designed to help folks who have lost children, as well as a supplies so that we could attempt to “catch” the miscarriage once it happened.  I had too much of a hard time with the thought of just flushing Baby Bean down the toilet. 

The next days were agonizingly long as I waited for the miscarriage to take place.  My sister, Melanie, came and spent Monday afternoon with me, Tanya, a dear friend from college, came on Tuesday.  Wednesday and Thursday were miserable days of rain and storms where Madeline and I were home alone.  I spent most of those days pacing - just waiting for something - anything - to happen.  The highlight of those days was that Brian and I chose a name for our baby.  We decided that we would give our baby the name Kale Rowan Teachout – Kale, which means “Sower of Truth” and Rowan meaning “Purchased.”   

My folks came on Friday which was a huge blessing after having spent 2 days alone.   

Saturday, April 20 was a beautiful, warm, sunny, Spring day.  Brian, Madeline and I spent much of it outside just enjoying time as a family.  Madeline had been really struggling all week with the loss of the baby.  We’re not quite sure how much of it she understands, but we can tell she’s very troubled by some of it.  She had been with me during my second ultrasound and had seen Kale's heart beating - she was also there the day we found out he was gone and saw his tiny body, via ultrasound, - no heart beat to be seen or heard.  

We started the morning off by getting Subway sandwiches and taking them out to Grandma and Grandpa’s farm for lunch.  Grandpa had his knee replaced on April 1 and was really having cabin fever – so we decided to go spend some time out there.  We headed back to our place around 2:00 and let our dogs, Zip and Dash, have a good hour and a half of exercise/play time.  We ended up heading over to our investment property around 4:30 to do some measuring and sifting through the dead grass and weeds for treasures, or “lost things” as Madeline calls them.  I really started getting worn out and tired and my low back was aching.  We headed home around 7:00 where I warmed up leftovers of Italian tomato chicken for Brian and chili for Madeline and I.  We put Madeline to bed around 9:00p.m. and Brian and I watched some TV before calling it a night.  I crawled in to bed around 10:30, but my terrible head/chest cold kept me from sleeping with incessant coughing and wheezing so I moved to the recliner in the living room. 

At 11:21p.m. I experienced my first contraction.  I wasn’t 100% sure that’s what it was, but as the night went on, I was certain that was what I was experiencing.  By 2:03a.m. I was in the bathroom for a potty break and prepared the bathroom for what was coming.  I cleaned the toilet and put my “hat” on the seat so it would all be ready when the time came.   

Finally, around 3:30a.m., I had a very strong contraction and could tell what was happening.  I made it to the bathroom just in time as Kale literally fell from my body onto the linoleum floor - PERFECTLY INTACT!  I gently picked our baby up and held him in my hand.

 

I called Brian and for the next hour and a half we stayed in the bathroom taking turns holding our precious child, crying, and thanking the Lord for the gift He’d given us.  Our baby was perfect – 10 fingers and 10 toes.   

Long arms and legs, just like Madeline.  Amazingly, it was as if God had literally cupped our child in His hands and delivered him to the bathroom floor – there was no blood on Kale – not even a drop!  Kale was a peachy color – covered in flesh.  The umbilical cord was no longer attached, but a small red bump on his tummy showed where it had been.  We took many pictures and awed at all of his tiny features – so intricately and perfectly formed!  He was truly the work of a Master Artist!  

Finally, I took a green and white striped flannel blanket and cut a small square to swaddle Kale in.

We wrapped our tiny baby in the cloth, kissed him, prayed another prayer of thanksgiving, and laid him in a beautiful tiny silver box. 

We don't know why we lost our lost our precious son, but I know, without a doubt, that our experience is part of God's greater plan for our lives.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of Kale, but I have no doubt that the first face my sweet boy saw was that of our Lord and Savior and that he's running and rejoicing in His presence - PERFECT!  And THAT gives me great comfort!   

Kale's name means "Sower of Truth," and I can't end this post without taking the opportunity to use his story to do just that - sow truth in the hearts and minds of those who may read this.

In the United States, 15 states have legalized abortions as far as 24 weeks gestation.  The fact is, a baby has a 35% chance of surviving outside the womb at 23 weeks - by 24 weeks, that number jumps to 70%!!!  (The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists, 2003).  People - we are killing children!  FACT - end of story!  There is NO DOUBT that at just shy of 12 weeks gestation, my son WAS formed - every feature from his eyes, nose, ears, mouth, fingers, toes.  He was NOT a blob of goo, mass of cells, or unidentifiable tissue - but a tiny little boy - a person - WORTHY of life!  No child is a mistake and each and every one should be treasured, protected, and fought for!

I'm no law maker or politician - I have absolutely nothing to gain by writing this post - but I believe there is oh so much to be lost if people like me don't come forward and share our stories.

What's more is by NOT sharing these words and images, my son will have died in vain.  Kale will simply be one of the many miscarried babies who the world doesn't recognize as a person or "human," when, in fact, he was truly a miniature developing YOU - and a mini developing me.  We ALL begin this way - created in our mother's womb and knit together with precision.  We are ALL "Kale's" at one point in our lives - we are ALL human - alive and developing from the moment of conception.  From the moment egg and sperm unite, life begins and your baby's sex, eye color and hair color along with all other inherited characteristics are determined!  At that very moment, the division of cells commences and some 266 days later, the cell division process culminates into the newborn baby you'll hold in your arms!  By week 5 a tiny heart begins to beat.  We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made!!

You wouldn't intentionally hinder or impede the growth and development of the child you hold in your arms, let alone do something that would cause that child's heart to stop beating thereby ending life - why, or more importantly, how, could one do just that to the child growing in the womb - regardless of developmental stage?   

Thoughts to ponder until next time...